Kenneth Rohde Christiansen

The life and feelings of an individual not like the most.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

A creature of this world...

Sometimes I feel that I am not of this world...or at least that is what I used to. The truth is that I am very much of this world but I haven't always fitted in. I have tried adapting and changing my self, but even though people (like me at least) always try to evolve and improve, there are just some things that you cannot change. I used to think that there was something wrong with me, but now I know that there are people like me and I know that the things that I dream about is out there and that I just need to pursue it.

I have changed a lot in the last half year - probably more than ever before. It has been tough and it isn't over yet. But I have the feeling that it will leave me more happy. I understand myself more, what I want with my life and I am a lot better at accepting myself and being true to myself - following my heart.

What do I really want then...Well, that is of course not so easy to say...since it is something that you need to feel. I feel my way though life.

I have always wanted to be special and not live in vain. Many would say that I am very special and has made a good impression on many and even made a difference here in this world. Everyone likes fame, and even though I like being remembered, I rather want to be remembered by my family and friends than being a celebrity.

I have started to care less and less about work and school. I have always been doing good as I am not stupid and I feel the need to show myself that I am worth something. I once wanted to do very well, get a great job and make a name of myself...probably as a way of being accepted by people. Now, I rather want to have nice friends, a girlfriend that I love with my whole heart and build a family. I want to have time for my family...I want to love and cherish them - I want to be a sun in their daily lives. I don't care about money. My lack of money often limits me in what I am able to do...but I will probably get a decent job with my education. I just need enough money to take care of my family and to live a decent life. I don't need a big house or the most expensive car. I rather want a small cozy house where I feel home than a huge palace that feels cold and alien to me.

I think there is a chance of me succeeding. I have faith in that...that would make me the happiest man alive!


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