Kenneth Rohde Christiansen

The life and feelings of an individual not like the most.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Home sweet home, where are you?

I'm getting a bit tired of the Netherlands or of Groningen, at least. I do not really know why, but lately it seems that everything Dutch tend to irritate me. I have had a great time here, found good friends and enjoyed the city a lot. But suddently it is all enough. Everything seem too Dutch to me and it is very hard finding out why. Maybe I just don't really fit in with most people here, maybe I am just to different.

In Passau I didn't really like the mentality of most people, that was clear, and the city was too limiting. On the other hand I enjoyed the time there a whole lot. It was of course also a special time as I grew there together with my Lívia. When we moved to the Netherlands, before she went to Brazil, we were really happy to be in Groningen. The first week we needed to adapt, but there are so many options here, nice shopping street, nice bars and it was possible to prepare a lot nicer food that in Passau.

I can wonder why things are different now, and I think I might know several reasons. First of all, I live alone now, and my fiancée isn't around. With her, I truly had someone who I could share things with, one who could understand me and read my feeling. I really had someone around that I fit 100% with. In Germany we also had our own place, and here I have to share bathroom, kitchen and I never really feel home, and that I did in our appartment in Germany.

Another reason is the culture and nature. I see almost no nature here in the north of the Netherlands; everything looks alike, everything is flat and I'm never in a forest or so - I never see nice gardens, etc. The Netherlands is very beautiful and special when you are here for the first time. Everything has its own special Dutch style to it, but when you have seen it once and gotten used to it, you see it the whole time, and everything seems too much alike.

I really miss the curved, small streets of Passau, the rivers, the many different coloured houses... It was truly beautiful there - it was. So many good memories, even of things that seem stupid, like bringing back a DVD during the night while walking in the moon light. It will never be the same, and it will never be a place I want to live, though it would be nice coming back once.

Maybe I have a better idea of where I want to live now... maybe I don't. Every place has its advantages and its disadvantages... Let's hope Cologne is the place that combines all my wishes, but I think there is a good chance that it is.


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