Kenneth Rohde Christiansen

The life and feelings of an individual not like the most.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Feeling a bit depressed - feeling so alone

This evening is no good evening. I feel so alone. I have been trying to study since this noon and though I have done something, it is not as much as I wanted to. It is awful sitting in my room, all alone studying and knowing that I will study until I go to bed. Well, I can take breaks, make dinner, watch television, surf the net... but none of that gives me pleasure... so I might as well study... also, I am not really hungry...bad sign :S

Right now it feels like I haven't seen Lívia for weeks. She is on my mind most of the time (if not all the time)... and when I realize that she was here yesterday, I kind of wish I had enjoyed the time with her even more than I did, though that is not possible, because I enjoyed it sooo unbelievable much. I guess I just miss her so. I really do... It is so great being with her that I have realized that I can no more be without her... it just hurts sooo much. I wish I could take the phone and call her, or jump on the train as the first thing tomorrow... but that would just be an act of craziness. I don't have the money for that, and I need to save and do things the right way so that I can stay with her permanently. I will be with her soon and I just cannot wait. Things will really change for me... it will be so great! I wondered today how it would be if I knew that she would come to my place around 8 o' clock. I think it would make me a lot more motivated. It will be so much easier studying when I know that in 3 hours she is coming and then I can relax and do things with her, instead of knowing that the evening will be doll...and without her by my side...

I have now lived on my own the last six a half year and so far I have enjoyed a lot of things on my own... it has been no problem cooking, watching tv alone etc, though it of course is nicer doing with others. I know that I am a person that needs contact with other people, but after I have met Lívia I know how nice things can be with her and it sets a whole new standard for my life. I want to enjoy life with her, that is the way I am happy =)

I guess I am rambling... sorry about that. The truth is just that I miss you my Lívia. SOOO REALLY REALLY MUCH!


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